


A Spoonful of Sarcasm

by RhinoMouse



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Pre-Relationship, Season/Series 02, The citizens of Storybrooke are whiny and need to solve their own problems, They didn't fall through the hat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 16:04:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10030772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhinoMouse/pseuds/RhinoMouse
Summary: After the curse, things aren't quite as wonderful as Henry hoped they would be. Emma is stuck dealing with the mess, her parents are frustrated, and Regina is on a mission.





	

“Look, you’ve got to listen to my side of things. She’s my wife. I don’t care if she remembers being married to another man for twenty-eight years. She was my wife first. They were married by a curse. A curse! Now she wants to stay with him just because they have kids.” The man scoffed. “That ain’t right, she’s my wife. She belongs with me. Can’t you make her see that? You’re the Savior!”

The angry cries of the man echoed across the sheriff’s station. Emma tried to remember to have patience but this was the third complaint like this today. She was just frustrated. 

“Sir, it is not the job of the sheriff’s department to solve domestic disputes. What’s more even if it were my job, I wouldn’t help you. The curse changed things and it is each person’s choice how to deal with remembering two different lives. I won’t ever be part of forcing a woman into a situation she’s not comfortable with. If you want your wife back, I suggest you go about wooing her. If I hear you’ve done anything to force matters, I’ll be arresting you. You can bet on that.” Emma said with grim determination in her voice.

The man huffed and left. Emma could hear his parting shot as he slammed the door. “Some Savior you are.”

Emma slumped into her chair. Ever since the curse had broken, it felt like the whole world had come crashing down on her. Everyone wanted something from her. Mostly it boiled down to the fact that they wanted the past twenty-eight years of their lives back. Emma snorted to herself. If it wasn’t for Henry, she might wish the same. As it was, she was struggling under the unrealistic expectations of a town full of people. That wasn’t even mentioning her parents. 

With the end of the curse, Emma’s best friend, Mary Margaret, was gone and in her place, was a pod people version of her. A pod version of her who suddenly expected to have a close mother-daughter relationship with her. It came with all the weight of anger that Emma felt toward her parents for abandoning her. She might not have two sets of memories, but the demands and expectations of instant family and being the Savior were emotionally draining and overwhelming. At least there was one good thing about everyone wanting a piece of her time; it meant she had ample excuses to avoid both of her parents.

Just as she was resolving to go to the Diner for lunch while she had the chance, she was interrupted by a banging door. Emma sighed, she wished she could just hide. Instead she prepared to deal with yet another disgruntled citizen asking for things that she couldn’t give them. Surprisingly she heard the voice of Mary Ma… her mother... Snow.

“Emma are you here? Your father and I are having a meeting of the council to come up with plans to get us home. I’m sure it would reassure people if the Savior was present.”

Emma rolled her eyes. ‘The council’ was a group made up of Snow White and Prince Charming’s allies that were intent on making decisions for the town. So far, she’d managed to avoid becoming a part of it but it sounded like Snow was going to force the issue. 

“I’m working right now.” Emma said and then added in a whisper, “Besides it’s not my home and I’m sure not everyone wants to go back to the dark ages.”

Unfortunately, Snow appeared to have heard her. “What did you say young lady? The Enchanted Forest is your home too! You were born there and would have grown up there if it hadn’t been for the Evil Queen. It was only the Evil Queen that made things bad. We belong there. Of course, we’ll find a way home!”

“Right, the Evil Queen caused the lack of plumbing and modern medicine.” Emma returned, her voice full of sarcasm.

“I’m sure we could find a way to bring the better things from this world. Really, things were simpler in the Enchanted Forest. We’ve found each other, we’re are a family again. I’m sure with time you will get used to it. Henry is so excited about going to Fairy Tale world. You should give it a chance at least for his sake.”

“You told Henry we were going back to your world?! You can’t tell him things like that. You don’t make promises to kids that you can’t keep! Also, you don’t make decisions about where me and my kid will be living without discussing it with me first!” Emma burst out angrily.

“Don’t be silly Emma. Of course, you and Henry are coming with us to the Enchanted Forest. We might not have found a way there yet but we will. Besides, we’re your parents. It’s our job to look after you.” Snow replied, exasperation clear in her tone. 

“You know what, head to the meeting without me. I’m going to go talk with Henry, there are a few things I have to clear up with him.” Emma said, knowing that there was no way to get through to Snow when she got into this kind of mood.

As she stormed out of the Sheriff’s office, Snow trailed behind her. “Emma! Emma, stop! What are you doing? I thought you said you had work.”

“I’m taking a lunch break. I’m sure the town will survive without me for an hour.” Emma said as she got into her bug and drove away, leaving Snow behind looking exasperated. 

____________________________________________________________________________

Henry was confused. He thought that once the curse was broken everything would be wonderful. It was supposed to be everyone’s happily ever after. Instead, everything was a mess. All the adults were arguing and upset. Emma was constantly busy dealing with everyone else’s problems and while his grandparents were very cool, they were just so different from the people he had known. He hadn’t even seen his Mo… the Evil Queen. 

Right now, Ruby… Red was watching him while his grandmother went to fetch Emma for a meeting. Henry thought the fact they did not return to the Enchanted Forest when the curse was broken might be the reason that things hadn’t turned out right. So, he hoped his grandparents found a solution soon.

Henry was sipping at a chocolate milkshake when Emma stomped into the diner. She was clearly angry about something and Henry prepared to face a grumpy, upset Emma. As soon as she saw him she headed straight for him. Though, she did attempt to put on a smile for him. He could tell that she was still angry.

“Henry, can we go somewhere and talk? I think there are some things we need to talk about together.” Emma’s voice was gentle, despite the fact that she was still clearly upset. 

Unsure what was going on, Henry nodded and went along with it as Emma tugged him carefully towards his castle. 

Once they were sitting down, Emma started speaking. “Henry, I know things have been confusing since the curse broke, and I haven’t had enough time to spend with you and I’m sorry about that. I just realized that I hadn’t checked in with you on how you are dealing with things. So, what’s going on with you? What’s your opinion on everything that’s been happening?”

Henry wasn’t stupid. He knew that there something else was going on behind these questions but he didn’t know what he was supposed to say. Unsure, he began, “Well, it’s been weird. Everyone’s different and everyone’s so angry. I thought once the curse was broken that everyone would be happy. Nothing is how it’s supposed to be.”

“I’m sorry Henry. You’re more important than the problems everyone is bringing to me. I’ll do better, I promise.” Emma said with a solemn intensity.

“But… but you’re the Savior. It’s your job to fix all the happy endings.” Henry said, a bit of a quaver in his voice.

“Your happy ending will always be the most important.” Emma replied. For a moment, they just sat there next to each other in a comfortable silence.

“You know Henry, when I was a kid no one offered me any choices about where I was going. I was just sent from place to place. So, I wanted to let you say what you wanted. Do you want to stay in Storybrooke? This chaos isn’t going to end for a while yet. We might be able to get to the Enchanted Forest but it will be a completely different life to the one you’ve lived here. You don’t have to go there if you don’t want to. We have options. I can even try to work something out with your mom if you want. Just tell me what you want.” There was a soft desperation in Emma’s voice. 

Henry wasn’t sure what to think. The thought of getting to be part of choosing where they went next was overwhelming. He’d never pictured what would happen after the curse. All he really wanted was for everyone to be happy. The thought of choosing wrong frightened him. So, he decided to deflect. “She’s not my Mom. She ruined everything for everyone. She’s the reason everyone has been so angry and upset! Why would I want anything to do with her?”

“Because, she’s your mom. As much as she hurt everybody else, she loved you. It’s okay to still love her you know. Just because she has done some awful things doesn’t mean you have to forget the good parts about her. I will always be thankful for the way that she raised you. I was a teenager when you were born, barely able to take care of myself. She gave you a better life than I could have given you.” Emma responded, her voice soothing.

Henry did not want to be calmed however. “She didn’t give me a better life! She trapped me here and lied to me over and over again! She tried to make me think I was crazy!”

“I know Henry, and that was wrong of her, but parents aren’t perfect. Parents can be scared too and sometimes it makes them do things that are awful. She was scared of losing you and scared of facing past mistakes. Fear can be a powerful motivator.” Emma said with a hint of regret.

“You would never do that! You’d never lie to me like that!” Henry replied, his voice full of conviction. A conviction that shattered when he saw Emma’s guilt filled face. With a dawning horror at the realization that Emma had lied to him, he turned and fled. 

____________________________________________________________________________

Regina’s world had been destroyed yet again. With a kiss on the Henry’s head, her carefully maintained world of illusions had shattered. The broken pieces left behind threatened her at every turn. For the first time in more than a quarter of a century she had been forced to run for her life. Damn Snow White and her family. Must they steal everything from her, even the son she fought so hard for?

Well, it was not going to stand. She’d never taken things lying down and she wasn’t going to start now. It had taken her a couple days to figure out her magic again but Gold had so kindly brought magic to his new realm and she was going to use it. No one was going to stand between her and Henry. She’d kill them if they tried. 

An image of Henry lying in a hospital bed forced her to stop. Trying to force matters is what got her here in the first place. Still, she couldn’t just let Henry go. No, she would ask nicely first and if they attacked her well, surely Henry couldn’t blame her for defending herself. Henry expected the villain it was time to show him something different. Time to show him the flaws of those supposed heroes. Though to be honest she was surprised he needed to be shown having spent so much time around that delinquent Emma.

She headed towards the Diner knowing that it was more than likely they’d be there since Emma couldn’t seem to cook for herself. People scurried away from her as she walked down the street. It was typical. Alone and unprepared they cowered from her but crowds gave them unwarranted courage to challenge her. Not that it was difficult to break that courage with a well-placed fireball. Still, she was trying to do better for Henry so she payed no mind to the cowardly townspeople. 

It wasn’t long before she arrived at the Diner. Just as she was glancing in to see if Emma and Henry were there, she saw the two of them getting up to leave. There was a thunderous look on Emma’s face and despite herself, Regina was curious about what had put it there. So instead of confronting the pair, she followed at a distance, wanting to overhear their conversation. After all, if Emma was angry she might make a fool of herself to Henry and she’d be closer to gaining back his affection.

The pair went to the castle she’d had made for Henry. She used a whisper of magic to carry their voices to where she was standing behind a convenient tree. When she heard Henry’s reaction to the curse, her heart broke for him. Her poor boy was starting to see the reality that lay behind the simplicity of fairy-tales. Whoever had presented their histories as mere tales deserved a special kind of hell. Though it gave her hope that he would see past the label of Evil Queen. It was painful still, she would never have wished that kind of disillusionment on him. 

She rolled her eyes at Emma’s typical ‘charming’ response. Were those people obsessed with happy endings? A thrill of hope ran through her when Emma offered to try and work things out with her. It was immediately dashed and turned to heartache by Henry’s response. Was that all he saw her as now? It shouldn’t surprise her, it’s how he’d seen her for a while now if she was honest to herself. Regina was shocked when Emma defended her. What did Emma have to gain by pleading Regina’s case?

Before she could recover from her shock, Henry was running away angry and betrayed. She knew that this was her chance. If she approached Henry now, when he was so vulnerable and angry, he might just listen to the story she spun. However, something held her body back from following him. Instead, she stared at the devastated Emma. She’d been in that position too many times to glory in her suffering. She’d been alone and sure that she’d screwed up the only chance she had at a good thing far too often in her life. Despite her lingering anger, she found herself approaching the woman. Unsure of what to say she stood nearby silently. The silence was interrupted by a croaky voice.

“Come to gloat now that I’ve proven I don’t have what it takes to be a proper mother?”

“Well, dear I never really thought you could be, what with the way you eat. No need to gloat over a point already so thoroughly proven.” Regina replied automatically.

Emma let out a laugh that was slightly hysterical. “Well, that makes two of us. I always knew I couldn’t be anyone’s mother. This is what I get for letting myself believe in something, especially myself. You’d think I’d know better by now. I was always meant to be alone.”

“You’re going to give up that easily? That’s pathetic. Aren’t you the mighty Savior of all the realms? I’m sure Henry won’t be able to stay angry at you for long.” Regina said with disgust in her voice. How could anyone just give up? 

“I’m no Savior. I’m just some orphan that can never do anything right. Even my supposed parents just want to use me for my PR. They don’t even care enough to listen to me. Henry just wants the Savior that brings back all the happy endings and I can’t even do that. I just screw everything up, I always have.” Emma answered, some anger making its way into her voice.

“Stop that self-pitying. I may think you the lowest sort of ruffian but even I think you are better than that. Where’s the stranger that openly defied the queen of this town? Where’s the sheriff who wouldn’t stop investigating till she found the truth? Where’s the mother willing to face dragons for her son? If you’re really such a weakling, I may as well go find Henry and remind him who is real mother is. You’re clearly not up to the task.” Regina responded, her tone scathing.

That seemed to get to Emma at last. She stood with anger apparent in her face. “Don’t you dare take advantage of him. I know neither of us may be the best of parents but I would hope even you wouldn’t stoop so low as to take advantage of the pain our son is in right now.”

“Finally, some backbone. I was beginning to think you’d been turned into a jellyfish.” Regina said with a pointed look, ignoring Emma’s jab at her.

“Yeah well, it’s hard to have backbone when the people you need to fight are the ones you most want to please.” Emma said, resigned.

“I’m going to tell you something that it took me far too long to learn. Trying to please those who would control you is a futile endeavor. They will never be pleased and you will always be trapped.” Regina said, thinking of her mother and a younger Snow. 

Emma gave her an appraising look. Finally, she sighed. “If only it were that easy. I would have never believed any of my foster parents and my life would have been a lot happier.”

Regina acknowledged her point. These things were always easier said than done. She knew that even now, she would be moved by the chance of gaining her mother’s approval or Snow’s forgiveness. Not that she would ever admit to that.

“Well, at least stand up to that insufferable busybody who claims to be your mother. I’d be happy to throw a few fireballs at her on your behalf. Lord knows she deserves it. If a few miss and hit those incompetent townspeople who couldn’t deal with a paper cut on their own, well not much loss.”

That got a surprised laugh out of Emma. “I’d be willing to look the other way. I would even be willing to point out a few townspeople who deserve a good scare. You would not believe the complaints I’ve been getting.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t huh? I was the mayor in this town for twenty-eight years and a queen before that. If there is one thing you can count on to be true, it is that there are idiots willing to complain to anyone who is will listen everywhere. I’ve found that the best way to deal with them is a week or two in the dungeons. Sadly, the cells in the sheriff’s department just don’t quite measure up but maybe we could work on that.” Regina explained with a deadpan.

“I might have to take you up on that. Is it just me is or is the idiocy spreading?” Emma said a bit of a laugh in her voice.

“I’ve always suspected idiocy was infectious. Unfortunately, there seems to be no cure.” Regina agreed dryly. 

This time, Emma laughed full out, not bothering to stifle it. “Thanks, I needed that.”

Regina didn’t bother to respond and they slipped into a comfortable silence. It wasn’t long before Emma broke it. 

“One of us should probably go after Henry. He needs to talk to someone and though I don’t think he wants to talk with either of us, I think you have a chance at getting through to him. Despite what it may look like, he still loves you. He’s just scared to acknowledge what that means.” Emma said, her words sincere.

Regina was surprised by the comfort that Emma’s words brought her. “Alright, I’ll find him before one of the Charmings has a chance to mess things up further. Maybe… maybe we could work out something together. Perhaps you’re not the worst person he could’ve found when he went out looking for a Savior.”

Regina whirled away quickly before Emma had a chance to respond but she still heard an echo of Emma’s words over the wind. “I’d like that.” Maybe there was hope that she and Emma could come to an agreement about Henry after all. Maybe she didn’t have to lose everything once again.


End file.
